398

I have not been writing so much about chanting since I’ve been in the Caribbean. The main reason is we have had so much trouble printing the material and I haven’t had time to compose my thoughts early in the morning. I know that sounds like a lame excuse but I think once I get back in America I’ll have more extensive japa impressions to make. Needless to say I have been chanting my sixteen rounds every day in the Caribbean and it has not been so bad neither. I’ve been left alone to myself in a private room and chanted all my rounds by myself before lunch. Occasionally I get headaches or I get sleepy but while I am chanting the rounds I am always in a clearheaded, alert condition. So the Caribbean has not been a bad time for japa. But it’s been a bad time for japa reporting.

In Manhattan

Prabhupada Smaranam

This is a picture of Prabhupada on the roof of his skyscraper temple in Manhattan in 1976. A few weeks ago I published a photo of Prabhupada walking alone in Manhattan, perhaps in the Bowery, wearing a long black coat and looking lonely but determined. I also recently wrote a poem “Alone and Together”. The skyscraper picture reminds me how far Prabhupada has come in eleven years in the same city. Now he is surrounded with many admirers and servants and managers. He is in possession of millions of dollars for Krishna’s use and he is in charge of over a hundred temples and thousands of disciples around the world. He is certainly much better off than when he was struggling down on the street alone. Yet I cannot think but that he was not unhappy then. He had the vision of the Hare Krishna movement within him, which he has now accomplished. He used to say there is no difference what I was then and now except now I have more men and money.

When he was alone he was just as intently joyful and dependent on Krishna as he is in this skyscraper rooftop. In fact in many ways he has many more burdens now, quarrelling disciples, opposition from the public, and the need to travel constantly even though he is in old age and ill health. He even once expressed that he was happier alone because then he had only Krishna to depend on but now he has to depend on all his disciples. He actually said that.

But he is proud in a good sense of his skyscraper Manhattan project. Prabhupada is always a preacher and the preaching is unquestionably expanded in 1967 (1976 isn’t it?), with hopes of it expanding further still. So Prabhupada is willing to take on the burden of the gosthyanandi and live with many followers and seek out new ones. He is willing to sacrifice his life. He is not in the mood of enjoyment but of responsibility. He has been given more charge and responsibility by Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and he is willingly taking it on onto his seemingly fragile shoulders.

When Prabhupada was deathly ill in 1977, lying in his bed in Vrndavana, Tamal Krishna Gosvami encouraged him to travel to England. Prabhupada did so and was even thinking of moving from there to the Manhattan building. He joked, “But if I die in New York you’ll have to bury me on the rooftop. That never happened. His health worsened in England and he returned to India and finally Vrindavana where he spent his last days in the peace of his eternal dhama. The skyscraper is now sold but the preaching of Krishna consciousness goes on unbridled in New York City, with several centers, yoga-asrama teachers, and interest increased and less opposition. Prabhupada achieved his mission alone and together.

Dear Krishna

Dear Krishna, please protect
me from calamities as
Prabhupada once hoped
You would do for me.

Dear Krishna, You are the
goal of “Spiritual”, which
praises Your omnipresence
and sweetness.

Everyday in the Caribbean I have
sung the bhajana to Krishna
the crest jewel, the son
of the King of Vraja. It
has a sweet simple melody
and has become my signature
bhajana. I sing it wherever I
go.

The bhajana says You love
to be with Vrsabhanu’s daughter.
It says You have eyes like the
blue lotus. It praises
Your profuse movements of
agitation in conjugal bliss.

It says You are and enchanting
dresser and You wear
yellow silk enwrapped
around Your waist. You
dress this way to
please the Vrajavasis.

I can’t recall all the
things the bhajana says.
It is written by an anonymous
poet in Sanskrit.

I’m listening to “Spiritual”
which is another signature
bhajana of mine. It
praises You in the
expression of music. You
love music which creates
the mood of loving
You. You love devotees
who gather to be with
You and who gather
to tell others about You.

On the airplane today I was
dressed in sannyasa garb and
wearing a garland. Several
people greeted me “Hare Krishna”
and the lady pushing
my wheelchair asked
me if I were a “priest” or
a “pandit”. I replied, as I
thought best by telling her
I’ve been practicing this
since 1966. She
was not particularly
impressed, but asked us
a few more questions about
the Hare Krishna movement.

My dear Lord Krishna, I
am writing random stanzas
to You trying to make a
poem that would please
You and Your devotees.
I can do that it I am
sincere in loving You.
I chanted Your names all
morning and spoke to devotees,
I did it in duty.

I must be a dutiful
devotee and obey
the precepts of my spiritual
master. It occurred to
me that if my chanting
life had to terminate today
I have not reached the
submit.

I wasn’t too sad to
think of it, I just had to
accept it and go on
dutifully chanting and
praising You. You are
the dear most object
in my life, the
son of the king of
Vraja. I’ll sing
Your bhajana every day
in my mind and
try to stop lying
about my devotional
achievements. I want
to be better and more honest in the
time You have allotted me. I want to help
those is speak to.

Rama Navami Lecture

Rama Navami Lecture given at Sri Sri Radha Gopinatha Temple.

Rama Navami Session

Rama Navami Free Write

An African boy

These are pictures of Africans.

I’m in Trinidad where the majority of the population is of African descent and a large minority is dark-skinned Hindu descent. We will next go to Guyana where the population is the same with the slight majority of Hindu descent. In Trinidad it is warm and humid. I used the air-conditioner last night, but it became too cold. Now I have my kurta off, and we are running an electric fan. Today is Rama Navami, and I plan to attend the temple tonight and give a reading of Lord Ramacandra’s pastimes from Srimad Bhagavatam. Then I will stay for the arati as long as I can do it.

It has been difficult chanting my sixteen rounds because of the heat and no comfortable chair. I have been lying on my back in bed with two pillows and chanting silently and at a pace that is not too rapid. I am not even sure whether I am on my twelfth’s or on my sixteenth round, it has become so difficult to concentrate.

I see small mangos slowly ripening on the trees in their backyard. They have difficulty in sending the journal on internet, and we will be lucky if we get successfully all the postings done and done on time.

One of the pictures shows tribesmen (maybe Watusis) leaping high in the air. The Trinidadian devotees do a wild kirtana with high jumping and twirling and much sweating. In years passed I used to join in it, now I have to sit in the chair and watch. But the devotees do not expect me to dance. They just want me to be with them and chant and smile. That much I am able to do.

Glories of Prabhupada

Prabhupada Smaranam

Prabhupada is sitting regally, like a resting lion; he shows signs of old age and weakness, but he is still traveling somewhere, making his endless grand preaching tour around the world, again and again. I read a nice indirect reference about Srila Prabhupada in the book, Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati, by a European devotee-scholar. He was describing the great success of the Gaudiya Math during the lifetime of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta. Then he briefly mentioned that after Bhaktisiddhanta’s passing away his mission fell to ruin, and the preaching stopped due to schisms among his disciples. He author says that it is not until thirty years later in the 1960s that a ‘watershed’ was created, and Bhaktisiddhanta’s mission was reviewed on the grand scale, becoming a world religion with thousands of followers. The author said it was beyond the scope of his study of the life of Bhaktisiddhanta to describe how this watershed took place. But it was so enlivening to read, even the indirect reference to the work of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, as the one who rescued the phoenix from the ashes of the Gaudiya Math and turned it into a grand powerful success.
During the lifetime of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati there only a few harbingers, predictions and prophesies that our Prabhupada would be the one to pick up the fallen banner of the Gaudiya Movement and spread it all over the world, but history bears it out undeniably. While most of his Godbrothers fell into dispute and few did powerful preaching, it was only our Prabhupada who went alone to America and created the Hare Krishna explosion. The picture shows him near the end of his work, with the movement set in place that would continue, despite troubles, to endure and expand after his disappearance. All glories to Bhaktivedanta Srila Prabhupada, the best disciple of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati, and all glories to his faithful followers.

I Do It for You

Krishna I call to You.
It is afternoon, and I
am not feeling fresh and meditative,
but You are always accessible
to me.

Please give me Your hand.
Give me your presence.
I have not been chanting
japa so intensely because
the weather is so warm.

386

4:20 A.M.

I’m chanting japa alone in my room while the two Baladevas are asleep in the other room. As I chant my mind is filled with the impressions from last night. I had to give a Rama-navami lecture, and I brought the Bhagavatam with me with the intention to read all the verses from Srila Sukadeva Goswami’s brief summary. But instead I spoke extemporaneously without the book. It was better. I was able to remember everything and speak in a relaxed tone. I’ve been to this temple many times over many years, and I felt relaxed. I was able to keep even the little childrens’ attention to the stories. Then I stayed for the loud arati which was sang by a dramatic kirtana singer. The Radha Gopinatha deities are beautiful here, and I was glad I had come to the temple. But driving back from the temple to Baladeva’s house, we had to pass through some unpleasant scenes. There were many stores open selling lamb, chicken, pig and other animals chopped and fried and boiled and served out practically raw, and many people were lined up to get them. The people lined the streets, and there was loud music of a raucous kind playing. It was a little scary. The traffic was jammed also, and it took us over forty minutes to get back to the house. I was very tired, and went to sleep with the electric fan on in the hot room. I got up at 3:30 A.M., and I’ve been chanting in my mind. My chanting has been mechanical, and I’ve not been able to pay attention very deeply. But I am aware that I am chanting, and I am accumulating the rounds very obediently going up toward the quota. I still feel unfamiliar in these surroundings and not so relaxed. I will let the other men sleep, and I will continue to chant.

Slowly you accumulate your numerical strength. The numbers add up, and you think of Prabhupada. You are chanting on his order, and you hope he blesses you. For many years I have been doing this and surely there’s some credit. Last night we sang loudly, and now I chant quietly alone. The devotees here are faithful, and they have good feelings toward myself. I have to keep up my honor by my individual japa and by speaking to them in a group. But first thing in the morning comes this all alone whisper to the Lord of your life. You do not do it with pure devotion but you struggle to make it nice— and you count.

385

Chanting out of place,
but tell yourself to go
ahead and hear the holy names.
There is nothing foreign
about Trinidad, it’s just
another land on Your planet.
And I don’t really belong
anywhere here.

I have lived in many places
and always chanted japa, so
I can do it here. I just
have to concentrate my mind.

The words are universal and
the call can be made from
anyplace where there is
an earnest heart and work
to try.  As for You, Nama
Prabhu, You have  always existed
in all places, even  in hell
and heaven, so You are ready
to rescue me when I call to You.
Please help me sunk my
presence into Your syllables.

Mexican Pastimes of His Divine Grace

Prabhupada Smaranam

These are picture of Prabhupada in Mexico in 1975. He visited twice, once in 1972 when Citsukhananda was in charge and once (shown here) in 1975 when Hridayananda Maharaja was in charge.

During his 1972 visit, an extraordinary thing happened. On a Sunday afternoon there were more than five hundred people gathered in the temple room. After the lecture Prabhupada went back to his room alone and there was a big kirtana with people chanting “Jaya Prabhupada! Jaya Prabhupada!” Prabhupada was in his room and asked “What is this? Kirtana? They are making so much noise.”

Citsukhananda said that they are chanting your name, Prabhupada, and he went outside to see what was going on. All the people were waiting to come into Prabhupada’s room it was as if they wanted to charge up to his room to be able to see him, and they kept chanting his name. Prabhupada said “Well let them come.”

And so Citsukhananda arranged that the people could come in. Prabhupada had two doors in his room and they were coming in through one door on the left side and leaving through the door on the right. One by one, in a line, they’d just filtered through like a great parade coming and offering different words to Srila Prabhupada. Most of the people were saying in Spanish, “Your Divine Grace, Your Holiness, please bless me. Please give me your benediction.” Everyone was praying for his benediction. And as the people would come in they would bow down. Everyone was submissive, and there were many people with tears in their eyes to see the great saint, Srila Prabhupada. Prabhupada had his hand in his bead bag and with his finger outside his bead bag he would point to them and say “Hare Krishna,” and they were all very happy.  Prabhupada had a very busy preaching program in Mexico in 1972. He lectured at three different locations in one day.

He’d head back to his room in the temple at about 8:00 P.M., and from eight in the morning until eight at night he had not taken a bite of food only a little water. The devotees had offered him fruit and things, but he didn’t want anything. When he returned to his room his eyes were shining and his smile was broad and he said “This is the way to be happy. Work all day for Krishna.” All he wanted was a cup of hot milk with puris and a cup of sugar. He pressed the puris into the sugar, and he drank the milk with great joy and happiness. He said, “This is our life, to serve Krishna. Work all day for Krishna, and take a little prasadam at night.”

Prabhupada held initiations at the temple on consecutive days during both years that he visited. He said Mexico was similar to India with pious people and a tropical climate.  Even when he walked early in the morning in the park, many people followed him back to the temple. They recognized him as a saint and wanted his benediction.

Hridayananda Goswami had organized a Spanish BBT in Mexico, and had made book distribution it’s priority. Early in 1974 when the first Spanish BBT was ready to print translations of Srimad-Bhagavatam’s first volume, Bhagavad-gita and Krishna: The Supreme Personality of Godhead, Prabhupada wrote “By printing these books of our Krishna conscious philosophy in so many different languages, we can actually inject our movement into the masses of persons all over the world especially there in the western countries, and we can literally turn whole nations into Krishna conscious nations. When one hundred thousand copies of the Spanish Back to Godhead were printed, Prabhupada wrote, “Now give them to everyone.”  Spanish book distribution became the second largest in the world, next to American.

Dear Lord Krishna

Dear Lord Krishna, my
spiritual beloved. I
know You love me in my heart,
and I wish I felt Your
presence more.

You call out to me all the
time asking me to concentrate
on You, but I remain
distracted with bodily
and schedule concerns.

I should know You are
with me in any country
of the world, even in a
little room that’s too
cold with air conditioning,
and the men are still sleeping.

Nothing matters but my
devotion to You. I will
try to keep up my good
cheer while I am in the
Caribbean and be social and tell people
about You and Prabhupada.

Please let me perform
as a regular sannyasi
not a television actor
“Monk” or even Thelonious
Monk. I am a saffron-
clad ISKCON representative
with people who expect me
to talk about You
in parampara and well
composed.

Please preserve me
from being annoyed
by inconveniences and boredom
and being out of my
usual place. Show me
I’m with You in the
place that is permeated
with You. Let my human
heart stay in touch
with You and Your
assurance.

I do not have such hard
duties to perform here, just
the length of time in a
foreign place. I want to
get back to America and
Lewes and New York.
I want to progress with
the plans of my life.
But everything is up to You.
I want to feel like that.
Just do my devotional
duties, now as a socializing
preacher and kind friend.
I’m not a solitary. Let
me chant my rounds nicely
even though I’m out of
station.

Let me hear the tune “Spiritual”
and write along to it,
imbibing the holy
vibrations and using them to bring me into
Your presence. You are my
Spiritual. My mystic
friend, the one who
decides what happens.

Please let me just accept
the fate you deal me
and not regret or resent
anything that appears
to be an obstacle.

I want to take the
inconveniences as just
forms of serving You and
remaining optimistic
and in good cheer as befits a devotee-
preacher of the Lord.
And let me write to You
each day and reach You
with a sort of poem.

In Trinidad

Free write

It’s March 24^th 6:10 A.M., and I’m in a room in Trinidad Baladeva Dasa’s house in Trinidad. The long plane trip was uneventful. We watched two movies to pass the time. One movie (I can’t describe it in detail) was a comedy about a bad luck society woman who has two grown-up sons, and it tells about their adventures as they drive around the USA. Bad things are always happening to her, but she remains optimistic that everything is going to turn out alright in the end, which is does. Baladeva Vidyabhusana Dasa remarked that the story was like me, he and Narayana Kavaca, and I thought that was a humorous remark.

So now we’re here, and I’m off my schedule. I was tired and woke anyway at 3 A.M. I chanted two rounds and then went back to sleep. I’ve still only chanted two rounds. The plan is that today we just stay at this house and don’t meet the devotees but go the a beach house tomorrow and stay with them for some days. It will be a struggle to keep up a semblance of the schedule I had when I was living alone in the Yellow Submarine. I’ll count it a success if we can produce some kind of a journal and post it everyday. It may not be as ordered and composed as usual.

I’m all dressed up in my full sannyasa clothes wearing tilaka and shaved head and long sikha. Last night the woman pushing my wheelchair in the airport was incompetent and caused me long delays and then the elevator didn’t work. I told her I was a Hare Krishna minister. She said with great surprise “Are you a monk?” “Yes” I said, “A monk.” She then said “Are you like ‘Monk’ the detective on the TV show? Are you an actor?” What ignorance! “No” I said, “I’m not that kind of monk. I am not an actor.” We gave her a tip for her services, but I thought she deserved a kick for her incompetence and all the delays she caused us.

384

I’m dictating this journal a day before the actual date. The reason is I won’t have time on early Tuesday morning to dictate japa impressions as I usually do. We’re going to leave the house here very early to go to the airport. Damodara Mahajana is taking us in his car. I plan to get up at 3:00 A.M. and chant some japa, but there won’t be time to record it and give it to Baladeva to put on the journal. There’s no comfortable chair in this room, but I don’t think that will stop me from decent chanting in the morning. I plan to get a good night’s rest, and there’ll be nothing to interrupt me from chanting japa. I think I’ll pass the test and so I’m saying so in advance.

When you chant your japa
in a new location, all you
have to do is remember that
every place is home and you
are a roaming sannyasi.
Wherever you stop for the day
is your permanent location.
The familiar home is the mantra
itself, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna,
and as long as you have a
quiet location there should
be no disturbance to your
usual performance. Besides
that, I have not been doing
so great in The Yellow Submarine,
so this is as good as anywhere
to perform reform and
concentrate your mind with
devotion. You are actually
out of place or homesick
for the spiritual world
and that is attained
anywhere and anytime you
can utter Nama with
sincere devotion from
your heart. In this
world you are always
desperately alien
unless you’re chanting nicely.

Little Drops of Nectar

Prabhupada Smaranam

Srila Prabhupada was a great humorist. Here in his room in Denver, Colorado, in 1975, he had his three sannyasi disciples all breaking up into full laughter. Memory is so faulty I do not remember what produced this magic moment. It is nice to see Srila Prabhupada so relaxed that he is leaning back with his leg, and arm relaxed and cracking jokes to the amusement of his disciples. It is summertime and we are all wearing sandalwood paste smeared on our temples. Although Prabhupada was making a brief stop at a remote place, his table is stocked with all the paraphernalia he needs for his daily work on Srimad-Bhagavatam and his correspondence. The devotees have provided him with fresh flowers and a table full of devotional pictures. Prabhupada could travel around the world and simulate a similar environment wherever he stayed. His needs were standard and simple, and the devotees everywhere were aware of what to provide and what to cook. Still, the airplane traveling was tiring on his body, and wherever he went he kept a daily schedule of lecturing and meeting devotees individually.

Although he had worldwide managerial burdens which he carried with him wherever he went, he was able to be transcendental to them and relax intimately with a few of his senior men.

I don’t see a microphone present so I don’t know if this laughing moment is preserved on the database. Perhaps the other devotees present recall what he was saying. I just know it was a joy to see him in this mood and to be spontaneous with the person who was your lord and master. Prabhupada completely controlled the mood and could be grave, formal or witty and relaxed as he chose. It was not up to the disciple when to be in a certain attitude, but it depended on Prabhupada’s desires and passing moods. But here is visual evidence that he was not always the person with the sometimes down-turned mouth, appearing almost sternly at the world. And here is evidence that he did not expect his disciples to always sit before him with visages of fear, awe and reverence.

Travel Fears

I am sad and a little
afraid to travel out of
my Yellow Submarine.
It is so quiet and settled
here, and I can write poems
of Krishna with a certain assurance.

But there will be adventures and
new angles of vision. Krishna
will be the same. He will be
with me, and He will be in the
world. I will see the workings
of His nature in different ways.

You’re no more safer in your
submarine, really. You could die here just
as easily. But it doesn’t seem
so. The car traffic, the airport
security and the air travel
present new perils. I may
be thinking more of myself and
my safety and well being.

I want to think of Krishna.
I don’t want to simply look
out blandly and nervously
at the world. I want to
be with Him peacefully.

You’re going to meet devotees,
to preach, and to keep up
your daily journal. In
your journal you seek
for Krishna in a daily poem.

Are You with me, Lord?
Am I with You?
Can I settle myself and
be more than a transient?
I want to focus my
soul on the Supreme,
and the travel is a
distraction.

But I can try to make
it otherwise. Pray to
Lord Krishna to protect you
and give you inspiration
to write of Him. Don’t
forget Him just because
you’re on the highway
or at the airport. Keep an
inner prayer going. Make
it even more an occasion
for prayer than if you were
sitting alone.

You need Him to overcome your
uneasiness. You need to call
to Him. You wish you didn’t
have to travel yet it’s a duty.
Take it as a duty and devotional
service, to meet with devotees
and encourage them.

Show yourself strong enough
to be away from your home for fifteen
days in foreign countries where
people are strangers, and you
sleep in unfamiliar beds.

Be the same. Be yourself.
Spread good will and speak
about Krishna and Prabhupada
to audiences who want
to hear. Do not fear.

At any rate, it’s all
up to Krishna, whatever happens,
and you have to accept that
as true.

Wild Flowers

Free write

The spring season has begun. Daffodils and pansies are blooming near the house in Lewes, Delaware. But this morning, Tuesday, we drove to Samika Rsi’s house in New Jersey, and it was intense rain, dangerous driving in heavy traffic. Now the rain has stopped, the sky is clear again and the flowers can bloom. The Bhagavad-gita says, “Of seasons I am flower bearing spring.” The flowers are said elsewhere to be the smile of the Lord. Krishna likes to wear flower garlands presented to Him by the gopis. Devotees adorn the arca-vigraha in the temple with aromatic flower garlands. Wild flowers grow all over Krishna’s Vrndavana, some of them species that grow only in Goloka. The rose is among the most beautiful flowers, and Krishna likes to wear them, but flowers like kadambas and karnikara are unique to Goloka Vrndavana. Krishna likes to twirl a “toy” lotus, and He bewilders the gopis when they see Him do so. He is twirling their hearts as He twirls the flower. The gopis make a mattress of flower petals for Radha and Krishna to lie on.

In Guyana there are natural water lilies that are shaped just like the lotuses that Krishna wears in His garlands, and they have whorls like the ones He stands on. But the lotuses of Guyana are quick to fade and die once picked, unlike the ever-fresh lotuses in Krishna’s Vraja. All the flowers remain always fresh and sweet smelling in Vraja, and that is the feature that distinguishes it from the flowers even in the highest planets of the material world.

Once the cowherd boys played a joke on Krishna. They told Him to close His eyes, and they would put a sweet in His mouth. Krishna closed His eyes and opened His mouth, and a boy put a flower into Krishna’s mouth.

Why not tell what happened?

Free write

A godbrother said he wanted to ask me a confidential question, and he wouldn’t reveal my answer to anyone. I said okay, go ahead, ask me. He said in previous years I have received pressure and been criticized for the writing style of my books. He said they emphasized free writing, confessional and narratives tangential to straight parampara. Lately, he said my writing has been more “straight,” centered on Krishna and Prabhupada. He wanted to know if I changed due to the criticism I received or was it a natural evolution. I replied that the change was a little of both, response to criticism and natural change. But I am not sure how much he has been reading my writings, such as my daily postings in The Yellow Submarine. I think in my poetry, in the “Free write” section and even in the japa impressions I am still writing sometimes in a non-conventional way. I still like the poet Robert Lowell’s motto “Why not tell what happened?”

I am pleased that I have been using more photos in the “Prabhupada Smaranam” section and the “Free write” section. But both these sections produce challenges. It is difficult to think of something refreshing and new to say about Prabhupada to accompany a picture. It is similar to writing the prayers in “My Dear Lord Krishna.” They come from inspiration, from Krishna. He has to be willing to give me something to say. I can’t force it. Connecting pictures from the material world to the “Free write” section has been even harder. I have a collection of pictures but can’t always think of what to say about them.

Here is a picture of an old locomotive that has crashed off a height.

It is a dramatic image. It says that the material world is a dangerous place. The train was carefully built to ride on the tracks on the elevated platform but something went wrong. People may have been killed in the accident. Whatever they were thinking of at the time of the crash, they took another birth in another body to fit their mentality. If one was thinking and dwelling in the mode of ignorance or sinful life, he’d had to come back next life and take a body to suffer the fourfold miseries. If he was thinking of Krishna, he could have gone to Krishna.

The picture of the pen has a modern pen point and a bird feather quill.

The quill reminds me of the medieval acaryas, the six Gosvamis, who wrote with quills but not fancy steel points. They wrote in artistic, sophisticated Sanskrit and wrote on higher topics than almost anyone writes nowadays with steel tipped and flowing pens. The material progress in pen points does not mean there has been any advancement in writing. These are a couple of random reflections from the pictures.

383

4:04 A.M.

I slept well last night and woke at 2:30 A.M. Narayana came up at three and surprised me by telling me that he’ll be going to Mexico while Baladeva and I are in Trinidad and Guyana. This will delay our moving to Stuyvesant Falls, New York, but there’s not much we can do about it because Narayana has to go for realty business, and Saci is not ready to receive us either. Our team will be broken up for the time being, and there’ll be lots of travel. My main concern is that we will be able to travel safely with all the plane flights and that I’m able to keep my schedule for writing and chanting. Even though I’m living in foreign countries I intend to keep my Yellow Submarine schedule, rise at three, chant my rounds and then do my journal writing. I won’t be free to see the devotees until after breakfast. This morning’s chanting was good. I was wide awake and felt no pain. The mantras clicked off clearly in my mind with attention and rapidly. But not too rapid. I was able to enunciate them. So I have only four more rounds to chant in my minimum schedule, and I’ll be able to do them either before breakfast or on our car trip. We plan to travel several hours to Samika Rsi’s home for lunch today and stay there overnight and leave early tomorrow morning on the plane, an interrupted flight from Houston to Trinidad. I just hope I don’t get too many headaches or get into anxiety or writer’s block or have any technological glitches that disable us from being able to produce the journal daily.

A traveling sannyasi
is able to chant his japa
in a portable way. Wherever
he is, he keeps a semblance
of a schedule and keeps
mental equilibrium to
say his rounds. This will
be my challenge, but the
devotees in the places I am
visiting are prepared to accommodate
my style. The fact is I
should be even more
dependent on the holy names
as I’m away from my relaxed
environment. I’ll cling to Nama
Prabhu as my sheer protection
against the foreign elements and
the uneasy locales. I have no
special favorite chair or peace
of room but a peace of mind
dependent on my turning to the
holy names. Please stay with
me, Nama Prabhu, and make
me feel at home with You.

Remembering Krishna

1.

Even my first memories
of Krishna were sweet, lovely
and powerful, the misprints in
the Indian editions of Srimad-Bhagavatam,
my mispronunciations of “Sanatana Gosvami”
from Prabhupada’s lectures. And gradually
it grew clearer and firmer. Sometimes
Prabhupada would spice a lecture with
a long pastime of the Govardhana lila or
the time Rupa Gosvami accepted
service from Radharani and Sanatana
chastised him.

And trying to learn the names of
the Vishnu expansions for
universal creation, Karanadakasayi,
Garbhodakasayi,
Ksirodakasayi and Their exact functions and which
oceans They lay in. And kirtanas
with the Swami for an hour on
Monday, Wednesday and Friday
and talking with him in his
room on the off-nights.

Those were early memories.
Later I lectured almost every day
from the verses and chapters of his
Srimad-Bhagavatams as they
came out published by the BBT.

I became a basic scholar of
Prabhupada’s teachings and that’s
how I knew Krishna.
Krishna is God, Krishna is
the Prince of Vraja, He is
the Supersoul in every
living entity and in every atom.
And then I learned more about
Krishna and Radharani
and the other gopis.

And knowledge of Krishna should
be spread to those who do
not know Him. Innumerable
lectures in college classrooms
introducing Krishna the supreme
transcendence, gradually but
definitely telling them He
was not a Hindu god but
Krishna is the name of God,
and I induced them to
chant with me as an experiment.

2.

Now how well do I know Him?
He lives with me and protects
me from fear, He will
take me at the end of my
life—I know not where.
He is the supreme controller
of my life.

I wish to know Him better
and not be so afraid of His
creation although it is a fearful
place—because He’s “got
my back.” He is handling me
as spirit soul, as servant
of the servant.

I wish to feel devotion
to Him personally and feel
inspired to talk about Him
to others and be convinced
Krishna is what everyone needs,
without Him they are nowhere.

3.

Dear Lord, please give
me the benediction of nearness
to You. Please grant me
a sense of intimacy and
worship. I don’t want
to hold back. I don’t
want to be unwilling
to surrender to You but
give You my full attention
and love.

I pray for strength to
approach You and take shelter.
Whatever I learned
in the beginning and whatever
I have gained over the years,
please let it grow to
mature understanding that
I am but a particle of
dust at Your feet.
I want to love You.

Following in the Footsteps

Prabhupada Smaranam

 

I get a chance to walk close behind Srila Prabhupada. My guess about the location is that it is a big pond near Dallas, Texas. Prabhupada holds his head high. He is not talking and neither am I. I have not been a sannyasi for long. But he has taught me so much already within a few years, and there is so much in his books, I don’t feel the need to ask many questions. I have many questions, but I don’t want to disturb him. He has his own thoughts. He is fighting a landowner in Bombay, he is constructing in Vrndavana and Mayapur. He is writing a particular section of Srimad-Bhagavatam. If I ask him a foolish or premature question, he may tell me it is not necessary. I will get the answer in time through service. Just relish the pre-dawn opportunity to walk with him in silence.

He is not unfriendly, but after all, there is great distance between us. I am a young disciple, he is a great and elderly master. Don’t be presumptuous. I can’t recall, but on this walk I may have broken the silence and asked a question. Basically Krishna consciousness means to serve the spiritual master and to please Krishna. I am carrying a danda so I have to honor the sannyasa order. I have to preach in his ISKCON.

I am a little afraid of him. It is a fear that comes from love. I am afraid of displeasing him. It would be terrible if I displeased him. Yet I feel very thrilled and privileged to be accepted by him, to know that he trusts me and gives me responsibility. It is a dynamic relationship, tense in some ways, not easy and casual, yet with a deep bond. And when all is said and done it is very simple: you walk closely behind him and you are filled with dedication and ready to do as he says.

382

3:50 A.M.

Last night I went to bed with a headache, which is unusual. I took medicine, but it didn’t work. After about half an hour I had to get up and turn the light on and take migraine medicine because the pain had moved to my right eye. That medicine was effective, and the twinge went down, and I was able to sleep. I woke at 1:00 in the morning and got out of bed. I was glad to be able to start chanting so early. I felt wide awake and painless. The chanting was a good session. I will rate it academically for my sadhana as a B+. I paid attention to all the syllables and was rapid. Perhaps a “japa cop” would have stopped me for speeding and asked me, “Do you know how fast you were going?” I would have answered, “No.” He would have said “You were going eighty-five miles an hour. When you chant that fast you run the danger of inattention. Quality is more important than speed.” And then he would give me a ticket for offensive chanting. I would apologize, but then I continued my chanting rapidly. I felt satisfied that I was able to chant all of my sixteen rounds. Only on the last round did I begin to feel drowsy after having been up for so many hours. I hope I won’t continue drowsy for the rest of the morning during my writing period. All glories to the chanting of the holy names of Krishna which cleanses the heart of all the dirt accumulated for many years and produces the bliss of the ever-expanding ocean of Krishna consciousness. It is the life of all transcendental knowledge and helps us to get a taste of the nectar for which we are always anxious. Haribol.

You are glad to report
a good morning’s japa.
Bubbles of bliss and
satisfaction filled the hours.
I was wide awake and
tasted some nectar. It
is just a tiny perspective
of anandambudhi-vardanam compared to
the japa adepts, but for
me it was good and a
cause for celebration. Good
chanting is the foundation
of bhakti. Now I only
fear that I’m tired out
from my effort and
will be drowsy for my
writing and poem. But
the substantial part
is completed and you
should be satisfied.

A Poem

Sentiment for Krishna

1.

I am writing this poem while
listening to “I am Getting
Sentimental Over You” by
Thelonious Monk. In the
dictionary sentimental means
”tending to indulge in emotions
excessively” but here I mean
the word sentiment, which is
defined as “an expression or response
to deep feeling (especially in art)”.

I do not have a cheap or mawkish
feeling for Krishna but a true
sentiment, bordering on the
romantic. (This tune also
makes me reminisce
to an occasion
when I heard it while
looking out the window in a cold-
water apartment on the Lower East
Side, with smoke rising from the
tenement chimneys with friends
and feeling a
fondness for our hip life.
But in this poem I am not
referring to that occasion.)

Yet I am using the music to touch
me with feelings for exalted,
transcendental Krishna, who is my
Lord and proprietor. When I
play the tune I think of Him and
my actual connection of devotion
to Him and His parisads.

You’ll have to excuse me if the
Monk tune raises me to the
transcendental plane, but it
is who I am. The main
thing is the smooth feeling
of swinging in my devotion,
my freeing myself of doldrums I tend
to fall into.

I turn to Krishna whom
Prabhupada taught me of
and rescued me from the
reality of the Lower East Side.
Coming to Krishna in a lively
way makes me feel
unafraid. I think I
will be able to overcome
my anxieties about traveling
to the Caribbean and lecturing there
and the deeper woes of
old age, illness and
even death. The free
thinking and moving with
Krishna thought actually
does that for you.

2.

Krishna lives in Vrndavana
and sports, you all know—
or you should know—
and His play there is sublime
and free of worries.

I want to associate with Him
in that mood, jolly and
musical, even dancing,
although in this world
nowadays I cannot even
walk a step without feeling
pain in my left foot.

I want to transcend to
that real world that exists
beyond this sullen, dull,
sleepy, dangerous place.
”Getting sentimental” helps me
sometimes and so I go
there. The real thing
is Krishna Himself, beyond
jazz, beyond my
temporary attempt to
reach Him in an
impulsive mood.

I hope to be able one day to reach
Him in any condition without
the support of unessential things
by simply chanting His
holy names in silence
in my mind or maybe
one day healthy enough
to chant loudly with
my chest alone
in my room and rousing
sentiment for the Divine One.

Memories of Prabhupada with Giriraja Swami

Prabhupada Smaranam

I just spoke on the phone with my Godbrother Giriraja Maharaja. He is writing a book of his memoirs of Srila Prabhupada and is presently researching materials for the history of his first meetings with His Divine Grace in 1969. He is in an intense meditation on the subject. He told me that about a year after Prabhupada’s disappearance a Godbrother said in a lecture that it was not important to cultivate old memories of Srila Prabhupada. We should concentrate on carrying out his instructions in the present. Granted that it is essential to continue to push on the movement that Prabhupada created, I cannot agree (nor did Giriraja Maharaja) that remembrance of Prabhupada through the years that he was with us is unimportant. Giriraja Maharaja pointed out how touching and inspiring it can be to hear a devotee’s recalling a time he witnesses with Prabhupada and how it a affected him. These memories serve as impetus to encourage us in our personal service to Prabhupada in the present day and in the future.

The personal film footage of Prabhupada with accompanying recollections as compiled by Yadubara Prabhu, the video interviews edited by Siddhanta Prabhu, the many volumes of memoirs written by his disciples, and Prabhupada-lilamrita are all part of a growing, living library of reminiscences that enliven not only Prabhupada’s disciples but people who never met him or heard of him. “Churning the nectar” about Prabhupada is not a sentimental or unimportant thing. It is an essential part of his legacy and should not be neglected or minimized. We are fortunate to have so much of Prabhupada’s vani in his own written books and recorded lectures, and the memoirs serve as a supplement to his own works. We should be thankful to the devotees who have taken the time and effort to create his memoirs, and we should use our time productively by reading and watching these living legends. We will never be in danger of forgetting Prabhupada or cooling in our affection for him as long as we turn to these sources.

Songs of Innocence

Free write

Using the dead bodies of flies to create cartoon humor is macabre. It is not actually funny. It is unkind. All life is sacred and should be honored. Even dead insects’ bodies (or what to speak of live insects’ or animals’ bodies) are not playthings for our amusement. There is a poem in William Blake’s Songs of Innocence which I cannot exactly remember but it goes something like this: “Little Fly/ Thy summer’s play/ My thoughtless hand/ Has brushed away. . . . Till some blind hand/ Shall brush my wing.” When we kill animals we run the risk of creating karma, which means the animal we killed has a right to come back in a future life and kill us. This is not a myth or fairytale but a fact of nature. As you sow, so ye shall reap. Everything comes around.

The cartoons with the insects are nothing compared to the billions of valuable cows that are slaughtered in high-tech slaughterhouses to satisfy the fastidious palates of the human meat-eaters. Vedic literature specifically calls for the protection of the cows. Cows give humans the most valuable foods, milk and milk products which nourish the body and even improve the brain tissues. The karma for cruel confinement, mistreatment and finally slaughter of animals in the fast-food, restaurant and meat retail business is so heavy that it results in wars in which humans kill humans on the battlefield. Earthquakes, tsunamis, famines and epidemics, which are usually traced to “Mother Nature” are actually karmic reactions to sinful activities, including the slaughter of animals. The material world operates under strict laws and random disasters are not just accidental or blind actions. The education of the laws of karma is sorely needed in human society. Unless education and reform takes place we cannot expect reduction in the horrors and sufferings that are common affairs in the world.

Today’s broadcast

Broadcast with question and answers, today’s poetry and readings from Free-verse Rendition of Srila Prabhupada Lilamrita — Remembering Srila Prabhupada (Vol1).

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/sdgonline-broadcast/v2